Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Independence day

I can feel it slipping away with each passing day as we continue this wild dance of baby raising. I feel it in the evenings that I can leave the baby with a bottle and his daddy, wave bye bye and have a drink with friends. The pull is still there, though, to come home, to snuggle into the pillows and have one more nurse before the night hours are (finally) filled with sleep. I can feel it when I'm snuggled into that nursing cuddle and he strokes my arm and feels my face in his sleep, never content to be still. I wonder how many more times this will happen. And as I carry him to his crib, his head snuggled onto my shoulder I hold him just a minute longer before I lay him down and watch him sleep.



I can feel it slipping away when the boy bravely steps into the pool with his teacher, even though he doesn't quite want to. And when the teacher spends a good long while trying to convince the boy that it's okay to blow bubbles in the water, and he argues with her, and I see that stubborn set to his face. Then, without even one glance at me, he surrenders and cautiously blows a few bubbles and everyone cheers and he beams and claps and only then will he look for me, to show me his pride, to share his excitement. In that glance, I see it slipping away.


Dependence is only for a short time, and this dance toward independence is breath taking, heart wrenching, exasperating. If I could stop and grab hold for a moment I would, but the dance is ethereal and if I fall out of step I would be left behind.

6 comments:

heidi said...

this post is so beautifully written it brought tears to my eyes. you have echoed many of my own thoughts here, but in a much more elegant prose. how much more quickly do the days seem to pass since having children.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful and true...slep, step and step away and so it goes. They get wings and that's it ...but you have awhile before the wings. Mom R.

running wildly said...

Oh I love this. You are so eloquent with your words.

So true. Every step of independence breaks our heart at the same time as eliciting overwhelming pride.

Thank you for writing this and sharing your heart. You are not alone in these feelings.

Bonnie said...

I couldn't have put it any better. I can so relate to your words and they are, by the way, beautifully written.

joyce said...

honey, what well spoken words.
I love your heart.

Dan and Lynn said...

You're a talented writer, Leanne! It's so true...they just keep growing and getting more and more independent, and we can't do a thing to stop it. So wonderful and scary all at the same time.

 
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